find yourself, cause i cant find you

petes_tinkerbel @ 2006-06-03T16:33:00

2006-06-03T21:53:34Z

ok theres comes a point where you just ask yourself
"why am i even friends with these people anymore?"
and i dont mean alotta people...just like namely one person
that i dont trust
its not taht i dont want to...its that i simply just can't.

And this person doesnt even make an effort to keep our friendship.
its like they dont care
now its like everything they say makes me feel like crap

and everyone else thinks im crazy cause they're like the "happiest and giggliest" person ever.
what EVER

Yeah i should be over that thing that happened like a month ago
actually for the past 5 months
but im not
and its not something im gonnna just say " oh its alright"
maybe i've said that
but i really dont think i meant it
lets face it..who gets over something like that , THAT fast?

no one i know.
and certainly not myself.

When i try to express myself its like OMG shes crazy
no heh im not. i just dont wanna repeat myself cause the only way you'll really listen is when I'm really angry.

i guess im the type to hold stuff in. But i love talking things out. I dont seem to get that much anymore. that bugs me. I love my best friend(s) and i dont wanna lose our friendship. I just think...that if i cannot keep trusting them with things...then maybe we shouldnt be friends.

This sucks. I wanna be there for you. But i dont want the tension. I want to trust you. But you give me reason not to.
theres so many things i want to say...but im afraid you wont listen, or worse, take it the wrong way.

i know you'll never read this. because your too busy being out.
-- heh out at places that you wont say...becasue maybe it'll hurt me?

im not weak. and im not someone you can jsut walk over
i think you know that by now

the worst part is.
i dont think you care anymore

<3
so ~~dont~~ break it
i dare you

last night

2006-05-06T14:44:53Z

last night

i dont ever wanna see my best friend crying so hard again

im quitting

i have to

petes_tinkerbel @ 2006-04-10T15:27:00

2006-04-10T20:40:42Z

so i feel like writing
i hate how i havent been writing like anywhere lately
i've been too upset
and usually writing helps when im like that.

i wont be at school for a while
weekends though...i'll be out
partying;)

i tanned for a while today on the trampoline
just thinking about things...
and why i worry so much about things. it's pointless really.
when i think about it, im a pretty easy going person. --which is where it makes no sense if i worry.
cause if something goes differently, you'd think i'd be okay with that. And when i thought about it, I am okay with plans changing just like that.

so why am i worrying so much?

by they way... i have the most caring bestest girlies ever in the whole entire worlddd
gawsh you guys make me so happy

so um potbellys anyone? this weekend?
hehe lets go!

remember...

.
Always love your puppy!!!

<3emmy

petes_tinkerbel @ 2006-03-31T10:30:00

2006-03-31T16:36:14Z

i dont know what im feeling...
whether it be good or bad
like i have no idea

i think i'm just scared

I'm thinking i know why...but not exactly

ehhhhhhh!!!!!!!

what the hell emmaaaa

=[

whats going onnnnn
why is my stomach all a;lskjf;aslfkj
ughhghghgh
hellpppp

petes_tinkerbel @ 2006-03-22T20:47:00

2006-03-23T02:49:12Z

~~^{screw bois}~~jk_{^{hehehehehehehhehehehe}}

spring time ...woohoo...not

2006-03-14T00:24:22Z

so i deleted my myspace
yep yep
if you wanna still comment me though lol im taking over dans sorta kinda
yeahhhh
maybe this summer I'll start up another one
but for now, gawd that stuff just really needed to be deleted... it was llike seriously depressing me...
so yeah im back to livejournal !!! yay!

hehe.
uh muh gush
ughhhh
spring is sooo cool
when you have a date that llikes you back.

I can't even begin to explain how it feels to walk through the halls seeing all these reminders of "ooo springs on saturday"
yeah its not a big deal but for some reason..to me, it feels huge.
Maybe three or four weeks or even two months ago you coulda asked me how i felt about spring and i woulda screamed like crazy in excitement.

Ask me today bout it,and its a different story, response, and reaction.

I wont dwell upon it. But i was really excited to go. n now i feel like theres no point.
I dont knwo what i did to make everything so different...between us

He really is an extraordinary guy...i cant put into words what hes like, its insanely priceless. n he deserves a really nice girl.
but i dont think i can smile like i mean it when i know he likes her...im just too jealous.

I think this is more of a test if he can come thru and actually talk to me about it
because
if he doesnt..he really doesnt care
even as a friend.

i guess im just not good enough?

where did I go wrong.

petes_tinkerbel @ 2006-03-02T17:15:00

2006-03-02T23:26:07Z

yeah
i just read kyles entry
i guess its true for me too
the part about updating when somethings upsetting to me
well, I guess that's because I only think to type stuff here when i need it outta my head.
And like happy stuff doesnt exactly go jump out and scream "write me!!!"
Maybe people can relate to that

anyway
for lent im not going to buy into any gossip. Alotta the times if I'm with my friends and i hear that sorta stuff, it just makes my stomach ache...
i really dislike hearing people talk about other people behind their backs
so
I'm gonna try it.

On the topic of guys...
Im totally phsyced for spring :)
annnnnd i feel lame about a few things that have happened in the past few weeks
but im pretty sure myself hasnt exactly *been* myself lately
bahhh

okay umm dont feel like typing it anymore
<3em

petes_tinkerbel @ 2006-02-07T16:58:00

2006-02-07T23:20:04Z

sweet sixteen comin up this weekend :)

I really should start writing my speech...bahh
I've decided to speak about teens and eating disorders since*ahem* taht seems to be an issue nowadays
that really bothers me
just hearing a friend, a random person, or even my mom say that they're fat

i cant even describe how sad that makes me feel.
and what do they result in doing??
hurting themselves in order to be "accepted"
now , hah dont get me wrong, I dont think my mom has any issues with "wanting to fit in" but her reason is just be more healthy. Honestly, I think shes got nothin to worry bout.

But theres many people at school who skip lunch because they want certain guys to notice them
pshh wahtever.
do you really want a guy to notice you for looks anyway???
its the personality that counts and hell, girl what are you doing looking to catch a shallow guys attention?
exactly.

anyway, things are still a little tense at school
but getting so much better i feel.

Today was kinda a bad day.
- got water alllll over my ass from stupid mike henry
- stupid tornado drill
- ahem GOT WATER ALL OVER MY ASS FROM STUPID MIKE HENRY
- and water down my shirt >:0
- gawd was this day long enough??!?!?

yeah just to name a few of the lovely things that happened today

oh well

learn to love this quote
i live by it

L.i.F.e can be so randomly beautiful if you're open to it

petes_tinkerbel @ 2006-01-22T18:22:00

2006-01-23T00:39:59Z

dang

Tomorrow will be hawt.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm so everythings going to start out fresh again.

new classes
new faces
new ...boys?

lol just playin... im layin off the boys for a while. Relationships are tiring. And as much as i try not to get hurt in relationships, I always seem to end up that way in the end.
but then again, thats prolly the risk you take when you let your gaurd down and let someone in.

i kinda believed it was perfect this time. naieve much? ha.
so im done..

I hope everyone had an awessooomme 3 day weekend :)

n yay for tomrrow!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE seeing faces that I can count on
I love it even more when they know they can count on me

gawsh you guyyssss *sappy moment*
ha
i watched a little too much lifetime ta day if ya ask me ;)

heres some pics from over the summer at alex's 1st goin away party lol

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v305/DayWalker69/0003.jpg

kay see you.

petes_tinkerbel @ 2005-10-08T11:48:00

2005-10-08T17:31:55Z

so yes I love October

It's getting colder :) i love cold, heh but not for gym class
ew

Oo happy news i got my permit yesterday!

Hmmm...I guess I'll just spill out whats been on my mind lately

I'm glad taht I can talk to my friends about anything. And I mean AnYtHiNg.
but theres one topic taht I'm really shy about. And its something i dont want to bring on them. Its not a happy topic. And I can pretty much assume what they'll say. I do wanna say something, but in alot of ways I really don't. It's too...i dont even know how to explain something like this. All i know is i've never experienced anything like this before

I guess I'm really happy to be around her now. which is sad that thats only happening now, but it just happened taht way.

Yeah.
I dont know. My cousin Maura has an awesome dad. hes an awesome uncle. he lost his wife. she lost her mom. I think dads are awesome, but thier not the same as moms

somethings happening

happy saturday

petes_tinkerbel @ 2005-09-20T19:56:00

2005-09-21T00:56:32Z

boo for singing lessons @ 7

now everyones gone!!!!!!!

RAWR!!!

petes_tinkerbel @ 2005-09-14T18:11:00

2005-09-14T23:39:57Z

ahaha

tomorrows thursday and the day after taht is FRIDAY!!! gawd cannot wait for the weekend.

i dont really know what to update cuz anything i say...on the topic of *ahemenahemena* might be iunno its kinda hard to explain hahaha

gawd i love sheryl crow.

homecoming weeks next week!!!! hehehehe

petes_tinkerbel @ 2005-08-28T17:47:00

2005-08-28T22:51:47Z

aww hell naw

swimming in gym tomorrow?? eww! at least its 7th period n i got lizzi miki and ian in there. w00t! okey so today i babysat and blah

who really wants to hear the boring stuff

I HATE SCHOOL! lol ack! tis so just BORING! *hmph*

Last night was fun. downtown with my girlies and guys....emily liz andrea amy charles gaahahahahh eric danny mike n james! woooooooo. andi and i took sooo many pictures aw man fun stuff dudes...SAW KATE WOOT!!

im gonna go design my ring

SEE YA GUYS!!!

me

2005-08-24T02:57:45Z

yes this idea is from mikaela, i really like it, so i think i'll do it too

kay so this is me

a week ago I had ta say goodbye to a really good friend who i didnt exactly like in the beginning
he was my best friends boyfriend
I didnt really like his going away party...too much drama (good n bad)
I really hate drama
I like bois...alot
I like two in particular..
Andrea and I havent hung out that much this past week
and that makes me sad saying that outloud
Liz gives me awesome advice
Dont know what I'd do with out her living RIGHT there. haha gawd!!
I love listening to Goo Goo Dolls
Thier just so good... just listening to them n thinking about things
i want the oc season 2 dvds SO bad its unbearable
i cant wait till the 3rd season
The real world is hott
and so is laguna beach
I wish Roxy and i had hung out this summer|
I havent talked to kyle in a while ...boo...hooo :(
talked to alotta people just before school started
got annoying having to repeat my schedule
watched oprah today
god shes cool
I really like myspace
I believe that very rarely people are trying to be fake
i dont know what to wear to school tomorrow
...if there even IS school tomorrow
andreas a popsicle addict
roxy is hilarious and she just signed off
boo i have no classes with liz
my ex doesnt like someone that im friends with
michelle moved ugh
I love talking to this one kid... :)
Hilary duff songs are fun sometimes
"Goodnight and Go"-- describes everything there is to know about my feelings for you know who
I cant get enough of goldfish
their my weakness no doubt
I love swings
miki loves swings
Trampolines are fantabulous
I wish i coulda gone to 6 flags this summer
Jesse McCartney was literally 15 feet away from me 3 nights ago
i LOVE him
i should go to bed but i dont want to
i want to stay up and talk to him
school is prison
yesterday i had my first singing lesson and my teacher is hairy and funny
I got a triple dose of novicane today
i cant smile right now
I smile alot
i like to laugh at stupid things
i hate waking up early
I hate fights
I had a peanut butter n butter sandwich yesterday
I wish kate came over more liek she used to
one of my best friends really dissed me yesterday
I accidentilly shrunk my favorite jeans...GRRRR
black eyed peas kick ass
i dont know anyone who has first period plane geometry
bla
tomorrow i'll be too sleepy to update
I'm in love with that guy...

petes_tinkerbel @ 2005-08-17T11:58:00

2005-08-17T17:08:11Z

1. plane geometry - vrankovich
2. writ. comm. - Brasel
3. Spanish II - Aldworth
4. LUNCH
5. Photography - Arlis
6. American Gov. - O connor
7. PE II - Johns
8. Ecological Biology - sickel
woot for school

petes_tinkerbel @ 2005-08-15T17:14:00

2005-08-15T22:15:12Z

ANDREA COMES HOME TODAYY!!!!!!!

petes_tinkerbel @ 2005-08-07T13:10:00

2005-08-07T18:18:56Z

OMG i was just like thinking that the guy with the spikes in his head from slipknot i soooooooo much hotter then jesse (wow jesses gay)

so NEway! i like totaly miss andrea i think i might go gay when she get bak....sry danny^_^

wow like this song like completely describes me as person

wow dannys cool

petes_tinkerbel @ 2005-08-06T11:03:00

2005-08-06T16:06:48Z

heres the update
the other day..
-went downtown with peeps, saw KATE at JAMBA!!!! hehe, went to riverwalk, met up with eric at cookie dough creations, got sick, went--no, WALKED home...ick
-went to beach and potbellys with liz! that was real fun
-went to charlies ithink? one of those nights and watched gilmore girls
-went to dannys with some other peeps watched a movie

i really miss andrea and mikaela...

nc was grrreat, but naperthrill is better

2005-08-02T14:18:14Z

oy!

chelle. is. moving.

like today. blah... I'm incredibly sad and I bet she is too. I mean, how hard is it to just get up and move?! that must be freakin hard...mmhmhmhmhmhmhmmmmm!!! :'(

kay so I was in North Carolina for ten days and that was pretty fun-in-the-sun filled ! haha ma's callin me a brownie now. ick the only bad part about the trip was the drive there and back. and OMG matty and mike were goin there too!! so i coulda seen them but ya know, the timing got screwy.

OKAY!! and so like now that im back, guess who goes to CALI?!?!?! UM ANDREA!!!!! and GUESS WHO HAS A CAMP TO GO TO ?!?!?!?!? MY BABY LIZBETH!!! AND WHOS ON VACA NOW?!?!? THE ULTIMATE FLIRTCAKE MIKI!!!GAHHHH!!!!!! damn this is gonna be a long two weeks...

on second thought, nvm...i know what ta dooooo

I WANNA KNOW WHAT EVERYONES BEEN DOIN!!!

omg and school is so close : / yikes!

dude, im up a tidge bit early. oh well.

I loved seeing peoples lsst night at charlies AND AHHH rusutto *sp man thats stuffs good.
and i really like this song... andrea made me get it as a ringtone HAHHAHA its great all he says is " we dont need to go outside" over and over!! hahahahahaaha

n i wanna go downtown and go to
PoTbElLyS

any surprise???

gimme break...ten days seems like ten months :(
psh plus i missed Jesse McCartney concert that i couldnt make, obviously... BUT AUGUST 20th!!!! hehehehe yeaaaah state fair with michelley anna and hopefully liz and i have ta talk ta mik... jesse jesse JESSE

danny, jesse aint gay.
1. he has a gf
2.omgomgomgomg idunno hes just hott
3.all his songs are love songs to girls

kay??? hott hott HOTT!

petes_tinkerbel @ 2005-07-19T12:20:00

2005-07-19T17:19:17Z

yay i finally made my myspace pretty!!!
I <3 mik so much cuz she helped me
:)

c-c-c-cinnamon lips and candy kisses ON MY TOUNGE alskdjfalksjdf

2005-07-17T14:07:08Z

andrea and liz slept over last night and left reallllllllly early so i'm up

last night we just watched Wimbledon and Spanglish <----- omg Spanglish is soo adorable.If you haven't seen it, you should really consider renting it sometime soon:) hehe
what else what else...
oh! im broke, pleh OH WAIT NO! NO, no im not. I just did my chores for the last hour-- yes that means i was up at 8 doing chores but ya know, a girly needs her cash. blah.

Oh man i really wish I coulda seen the Harry Potter thingy downtown. I guess my little cousin Jack dressed up as something. awww & i bet he was so into it too!

hahahaahahaha o gawd my ma got mad at me due to an action a certain boi did...
hahahHHAHAH!HH!HHAHHAJKHHHAHAHAHAHAAHHA

n now im talkin to matty. :)

dude i have an urge for swedeish fish...dude how to you spell sWeDish fish???!?!?
ACK. we got bagels yeeheehee

petes_tinkerbel @ 2005-07-12T12:39:00

2005-07-12T17:42:13Z

aggghhh shit

i didnt realize what i'd said until i hung up the phone...

ho-lee
shit

petes_tinkerbel @ 2005-07-11T16:54:00

2005-07-11T21:54:16Z

one year 2day

petes_tinkerbel @ 2005-07-09T09:30:00

2005-07-09T14:30:55Z

The past few days have been kinda rushed around n then not, but I kinda liked it.

Been playing tennis alot and heh, of course been going to the beach. And I even got to see Michelle's apartment & the works. That place is just gorgeous!

ooo yesh I finished my scrapbook so all you peoples who I took pictures of this summer can come n see it.

oooo Liz I hope the opening performance went well. I think I may be coming on Sunday night, just cuz of Amandas thingy tonight. BREAK A LEG BABE!!!

Yesterday, Emily, Chelle and I went to the mall....woohoo! Emily got to see Hollister for the first time ever!!! hehe :)
Chelle came over and watched Just Married afterwards.

When she went home, I called Danny back n yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
'n then he came over for a while -- that made me get very excited -- n then it was getting really dark so he had ta go to Matty's hahahaaha. Matty, Matty, Matty!

oh my goodness

I'm seriously just soooo giggly! I smile thinking about....yeah

hehe I feel so .:lucky:.

i miss miki

petes_tinkerbel @ 2005-07-01T13:18:00

2005-07-01T18:31:25Z

its friggen july already

woohooooooo!!

RIBFEST & EYES TO THE SKIES!!! oooo im so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Charlie

I really wanna see ERIN!!! doesnt like everyone else want to?! ugh jeez. and i wanna talk to/see SOXY ROXY! mmmhmm*whimper*
major sore throat for like a week or so now. ouchiez

I love summer

dont want it to end EVER

more later guys